stealth.

after finally finding my futon mattress late last night, which i'd been looking for all day it seemed, bella pushed the door open, the way she does every night, peeking into the darkness, on guard, as it were. she stands there for a minute, surveying the scene, then cautiously enters the room. slowly. so slowly. as if unsure that the laura she knows so well is the same laura after a day out in the world and in her head. never can be too cautious. when all of her was in the room, i got up and pushed the door shut again (timing is everything - do it too early and it scares her so we have to start the whole process all over again as she'll retreat back into the hallway), which inevitably makes her jump. i laid back down, willing sleep, but also following bella around my room with her familiar sounds - licking whatever plastic she can find, sharpening her non-claws. as i fell asleep, i wondered when it was i fell in love with her. i felt her circling my body, finally nesting in the space she managed to create between my calves. about 30 minutes later, i woke up suddenly, maybe from the heat generated from bella, but i don't know. last night was a night of getting up and laying back down and getting up again. bella stubbornly refused to move through all of it. she just looked at me balefully with her big sleepy eyes every time i turned on the lights or moved. this morning, as i lay there staring at the ceiling, wondering if the day was worth getting up for, bella moved up and crawled on my chest, purring like the mad woman she is as she sprawled out as if she owned me. she does. i've decided i fell in love with her because she bided her time. she never asked more of me than what i wanted to give. i guess i'm not an all or nothing kind of girl. if you want love from me, you have to be patient. and willing to follow me around sometimes. and willing to not follow me around sometimes. i wonder if my restless sleep as of late reflects how i've been sleeping through my days.