unexpected things.

yeah, so you've noticed my bad mood as of late, and i just want to let you know, hey, it's really not that bad, and sometimes, my hormones kick me off on a helluva ride, and i'm just lookin for fights all over and sometimes the fights just come to me whether i'm lookin for them or not, but i sure as hell always notice. but here is the truth of today: i woke up this morning, bleary-eyed from staying up too late working on a memo with the prospect of finishing up before having to be on campus this morning, and there were emails from two beautiful women i know, both flattering and perhaps more than the self i've been lately has felt like she's deserved. but what a way to start the day.

my work study job has turned out to be not only low-stress, but also just really great because the two women i work for are pretty great. it's taken me awhile to get used to the both of them - one a hyperactive nervous friendly sort, the other a quiet monotonal awkward sort - but we've all gotten used to each other a little bit more now and i don't jump the way i first used to when the hyperactive one says hi and the quiet one flashed me a big smile on my way out this morning and told me to have a good weekend. i think i will.

my day was rounded out by unexpected going out to eat with the woman i don't spend nearly enough time with these days, and i was reminded of my life as something other than that which is contained at union station. and we bought cakelove cupcakes, and right at the last minute, they brought out lime with chocolate, which is my all-time favorite kind. all-time.

and we got home and crashed on the bed for an unexpected, but much needed nap, and i am feeling refreshed for the first time in days. the writer is still asleep on the bed, and in this quiet space of her gentle breathing and the noise of the keys on my beautiful laptop, i am reminded of a conversation i had with my father not too long ago where he commented on how the things in my life seem to move in such positive directions. because even with all the extraneous crap that makes me grumpy more often than not, that makes me so busy and tired that i've neglected all of you for so long (yes, i will call you back soon), that makes me live a pretty solitary life these days, even though i'm not sure that it's really more solitary than before, but still.

i have a joke with a law school buddy about how i don't really know the meaning of exuberance since i'm not sure i've experienced it before. but here's what i do experience and would experience more if i just remembered to think about it: the quiet confidence of a woman who knows reciprical love and respect from other women. there's no word for that really, but i do know know what that is. and the unexpectedness of experiencing it with women i haven't talked to in a long time, women i've just met, and the woman i love meeting over and over again, gives me a lighter heart.

recovery.

things that made my night:

1. looking at beautiful kitchens in a bougie magazine.

2. riding on the metro listening to music sitting next to someone i love.

3. korean tea.

4. cookies.

5. kimchi.

6. soy bean sprouts.

7. more kimchi.

8. superhero underwear.

9. awkwardness on jeopardy.

10. DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!

seething.

i was just reamed out in my small section for supposedly unfairly attaching holmes' theory of judicial decisionmaking to a majority opinion he wrote because the nature of majority opinions require compromise, so it's unfair to accuse him of social darwinism when the professor had just pointed out the formalistic tendencies of the opinion in question regarding classical liberal thought. the professor gave quite a lengthy response, to which i respond, yeah, but holmes wrote it, and he wouldn't attach his name to it if he disagreed - obviously he agreed with the opinion presented in the opinion. to which the professor replies, yes, but they're not necessarily his ideas. and the professor elaborates further, do i know that majority opinions require compromise in order to maintain majorities and blah blah blah, after which he looks at me and says, does that makes sense, and i say, well, sure, but you're arguing that there is a distinction to be made between social darwinism and classical liberal theory - i don't think there is in this particular application. to which he says, oh, right, ok.

and then moves on.

that's absolutely ridiculous. you ask for a goddamn opinion and then rip me up and then give me a backhanded concession? fuck you. if your name is on the goddamn opinion, it's your fucking opinion.

i haven't figured out if this guy thinks i'm crazy or combative or what, but what the hell is up with letting people slide with ridiculous commentary and choosing to critique me for a good five minutes?

a big fuck you to classes today. and no, i won't be going to the dinner you're hosting tomorrow night, thanks.

"radical attire".

last friday, i went out to an indian restaurant that i had been wanting to try with some friends of mine, and we're going around the table exchanging commentaries on our lives, and i choose to ramble on about one of my classes wherein i read two very old cases about contract law and considerations and whatnot and made a comment in class that was not, shall we say, very well received ("wow, that's a very cynical view of law!" yes sir, it is.). a white man was dining alone somewhat near us, and all of us had at various points noted to each other his various offenses to his waiter, and after he finished his meal, he came over to me and said something along the lines of, i heard what you were talking about and i just want to say that i'm the only surviving attorney of a same-sex sexual harassment law suit, with two women! [it is unclear as to what exactly this case was or what his role was - but sexual harassment! two women! oh my!], and i just want to give you some advice: i go dressed like this [pointing to himself and his pleated khaki pants with partially untucked button up shirt], and i want to say that if you want to win, you won't win wearing your radical attire [the phrase "radical attire" was entirely his, even if the rest is a paraphrase of his monologue].

ahem. first of all, i was wearing a boy scouts jacket - not too radical there, i think. in fact, one of the more conservative groups, no? also, i was wearing an adidas cap, thus displaying my affection for capitalism and advertising for my corporation of choice.

in any case, um, no, i don't think you heard what i was talking about because, say it with me, i am not a lawyer. that's right. which means that i was not complaining about losing a case - rather, i was complaining about losing an ideological battle. different scenarios. and oh, yeah, i don't think i need any suggestions from you, sir, on how to play the game. i've been playing it for as long as i can remember. quite successfully in fact. so thanks for the advice, but even as someone who is not a seasoned professional like yourself, i'd probably wear a suit to court. because if i remember correctly, i have to look better than you do to even get any sort of goddamn respect and excuse me if i'm looking a little lackluster on a friday night out with friends.

thanks for the advice.

p.s. you weren't looking so great either, but what the hell, white maleness seems to do wonders for one's image.

rainy day.

i love waking up to wild rainy days, and no matter what my intentions the day before, these days are always lived a little slower than the rest, and no matter what my irritations the day before, these days are always better than the prospects were before falling asleep. at the moment, i am sitting on the couch, talking to a friend on the other coast whom i have neglected time and again and who has forgiven me time and again, freshly showered, comfy sweat pants on, an old favorite tshirt on, long forgotten, just recently found again, sipping hot korean tea, bella sleeping behind me, and i'm feeling good with an early birthday card and an early birthday present (yay macbook sleeve!!!), and i'm in love with the world. really.

well, okay. except for that.

and that. but still. love. i've got nothing but love.