days like that.

you have my best writing. and i wonder what you do with it. do you keep it safe? do you keep me safe? today is infused with the chill of the grey day, and it seems too optimistic to think of spring, to hope for it the way i'm hoping for it. i desire warmth the way that people chase faith. i stepped in the sun this weekend, and managed to convince myself that it would never go away. even with the shade overtaking the day, accentuated by the wind. the wind that pushed through all my layers and blew the hat off my head. the wind that gained strength in the shade, daring me to remember the day the way i did. as warm and sunny. and bright. like that patch of blue sky that was only so blue because of the tree with leaves so green, it made me wonder about the possibility of planting fake trees outside. trees like that that can give more color to everything around them, but not air. it made the sky so blue, i didn't care about the air. i was holding my breath looking at that tree. looking at that patch of sky. acknowledging that sometimes, you have to choose between air and color. the color that reminds you of who you want to be, makes you think about what you want. the difference between the air that keeps you alive and the color that reminds you that you're living. and you know it because your chest is tight, and you find yourself holding your breath a little, and maybe you catch yourself waiting. and you're not really sure what you're waiting for. but there's that patch of sky right in front of you, and that tree right there, and you think, i could wait here for a long time. a little breathless. waiting for warmth to cut through the grey. waiting for the wind to die down and change from its pulsating techno rhythm to a lullaby that caresses you. watching the sunset. waiting for sunrise. i close my eyes, and i'm not tired. i'm just waiting. i'm waiting for the wind to grow tired. i'm waiting to be kissed by the mist of spring coming. i'm waiting for the heat that makes me sweat. when i open my eyes, the blue is there. the tree is still there, with its green greenness. the tree is real, though. i see that now. sometimes, you don't have to choose between air and color. sometimes, moments extend into days, and as you're falling asleep, you're smiling because you just realized that you didn't have to choose between anything. and you dream of blue blue skies and green green leaves that have grown early, convincing you, even on grey days like this where the chill comes out your hands, even when you're inside, that the warmth is coming. soon. i stay awake for a long time and fall asleep right before sunrise. creating my own warmth, waiting for the sun as it creeps closer and closer. you have my best writing.