image.

the power of image lies in its subtleties, in what is hidden from first sight, in the possibilities that remain after the immediate gratification of what is known. the best images present more questions than answers - a sense of intrigue. the best images make us reflect on the spaces between the parts that, together, result in what we consider the image. the less imagination required, the lesser the image.

image seems to be placed somewhere in between mirage and truth. maybe the best images achieve both. i was told recently "you are not the laura i fell in love with". it kind of blew me away for a lot of reasons, but i've been trying to hold myself accountable to this idea of emotional honesty, considering my various rythyms, and i know that, in fact, i am a horrible dancer, and i try to hide it by posturing from one end of the room to the other, with a shiny something or other in hand for diversion. when it comes to emotional honesty, i've got some very convincing moves. so i wonder about the nature of this other laura.

i am so intent on trying to prove my invulnerability, my brashness, my strength, that i position the pieces so that they are jammed up against each other, as a sort of dare for anyone to try to see past it. i don't like to leave anything to the imagination - i'd rather tell someone who i am, rather than have them figure it out on their own. maybe because i like the image i can present better than the unfiltered version of who i actually am. and i dislike ambiguity so the spaces between the contradictions and uncertainies and loves and whatnot, all hold something that will betray the woman i want to be. i am sure of it.

i said once that i consider myself to be a smiley person. the laughter was deafening. i forget sometimes that most of my smiling is done out of sight. after all, as any thai person could tell you, smiles are subtle.